Autistic people frequently experience challenges in their daily life. These are the everyday difficulties of existing in an environment and society that does not readily adapt to meet autistic people’s needs.
This can cause autistic people to feel on high alert – anxious and keen to avoid further challenges.
Many autistic people (even young children) can be aware that others sometimes judge people negatively, for any behaviours that are not classified as the ‘norm’.
What is Masking?
Masking is where autistic people try to hide their differences, suppressing or concealing autistic behaviours to appear neurotypical.
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Many attempt to hide their true thoughts, feelings, and behaviours from others to protect themselves from further stress.
Whilst masking can be a coping mechanism to make an autistic person appear like they are not struggling, they may in fact be finding things difficult.
Often autistic people who mask have been doing this since they were so young, they are not aware they are doing it.
Many late diagnosed autistic people can find it very challenging to realise that they may have been masking for their whole lives. Some may even come to realise that they have been hiding their true authentic autistic selves from their closest family and friends.
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Consequences of masking
One of the most commonly defining features of autism is a preference and need for authenticity and honesty – for straight talking and for having a strong moral compass. So, many autistic people can feel a sense of shame about their masking behaviours. They may feel that they have been both deceitful to themselves and to others.
Whether doing it consciously or subconsciously, masking is almost always energy consuming and stressful – and comes at a cost – not least of which can be extreme tiredness. And, not to mention that others can be given a false sense that the autistic person is doing fine and is not under stress or in need of support.
Therefore, what then tends to happen is once the autistic person gets to a place where they feel safe or are amongst people they feel best understand them – they can let their emotions out. This is commonly known as the ‘coke bottle effect’ or an explosion of emotion.
For many autistic people, this may result in a ‘meltdown’ (where they may lose control of their emotions and maybe vocalise or lash out at things, other people, or themselves). For others they may go into ‘shutdown’ or even ‘burnout’ mode whereby they may retreat into their own minds and struggle to communicate or interact with others. This may also include the usual things they love to do – or need to do (e.g. eating, drinking, washing).
For more information and advice about meltdowns, shutdowns, burnout and how to help, see webpages:
People around an autistic person may never know if they are masking, unless they feel they can ask. Even then, the autistic person may not be aware that they are masking – or may decide not to disclose. It’s likely an autistic person will only share about masking if they feel emotionally safe.
Unfortunately, continued masking can lead to difficulties, such as loss of identity and autonomy, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
Unmasking
Once an autistic person comes to realise they have been masking – and begins to understand the cost this entails to themselves, they may then begin to work on how they could unmask.
Whilst unmasking may be liberating for some, it can also be a very difficult habit to break. It may also feel uncomfortable to unmask, knowing that other people may pass judgement – and that this may not always be positive or supportive.
Unfortunately, an autistic person simply behaving in ways true to their authentic, autistic self, can leave them vulnerable to being taken advantage of, discriminated against, harassed, exploited, manipulated, or even abused by others.
For this reason, many autistic people try and weigh up the pros and cons of masking vs unmasking in different situations. They may feel safer to mask in certain situations or when with certain people – and safer to be their authentic, autistic self with others.
How to help autistic people feel comfortable to be their true autistic selves
If you have an autistic loved one or friend, what can really help is to find out as much as you can about autism and how this might affect their thinking and behaviours. Let them know that they are safe to be their true autistic self when they are with you. It is vital that you are genuine about this. For example: if this results in them stimming in public – you will need to be sure to not show any discomfort; if this results in them expressing an opinion you disagree with, you will need to show appreciation of this.
If you are an autistic person who has been masking – consider how you could take steps to try and unmask in a way that feels safe to you. This may at first be when you are alone, when you could, for example practise stimming freely. From here you could confide in trusted friends or family that you wish to practise reducing your masking– and that you will need their support to do this. It may help to tell them that they may find it difficult at first as you might behave differently – and this may involve expressing your own feelings and opinions above people-pleasing.
Education and employment environments can be particularly challenging for autistic people. Therefore, it is important that staff in schools, colleges and the workplace create settings and practices that support autistic students and employees to be their true authentic selves, without needing to mask.
If you’re autistic, the chances are that you will mask some or even most of the time – whether you realise it or not. This may lead you to feeling tired or even exhausted.
What can help
- Allow yourself time to recover if you feel exhausted or burnt out
- If you know you will be expected to interact in a situation where you are likely to mask, factor in some time beforehand to rest or engage in interests that help you feel calm
- Spend time with other autistic people to help you understand your masking better and share your experiences
- If you feel able, talk to those around you so they can understand how you are affected by autism and how and why you need to mask
- Consider spending time on activities to take care of your emotional and physical wellbeing – such as yoga, exercise or listening to podcasts
In summary
Masking is conscious or unconscious behaviour where an autistic person adapts their behaviour to ‘fit in’ with other people. This can help avoid unwanted attention and help them to feel safer. It can include suppressing their emotions, needs and non-verbal behaviours in an unnatural way. This can lead to problems with mental health including meltdowns/shutdowns or burnout.
What can you do to support:
- educate ourselves to understand the challenges that autistic people face – and why they may try to conceal this.
- break stigma and negative stereotypes about autism
- foster a culture of acceptance by not only celebrating the strengths of autistic people but also normalising any type of autistic behaviour
Understanding masking and taking steps to support autistic people to unmask safely will help them to thrive and live happy fulfilling lives.
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If you would like to find out more about autism and masking here are a couple of books you might find interesting:
Unmasking Autism by Dr Devon Price
Taking off the Mask – Practical Exercises to Help Understand and Minimise the Effects of Autistic Camouflaging – by Hannah Belcher
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This article from the National Autistic society talks about autistic people and masking:
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-masking
Purple Ella has a number of videos on autistic masking on their YouTube channel. Here’s a link to one of them :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gOZFK9H5dQ
And here’s an article on ‘fawning’ which is a type of behaviour autistic people can employ to mask and protect themselves:
https://ndconnection.co.uk/blog/fawn-the-trauma-response-that-is-easiest-to-miss
